Marisa's Laughter Page
Sept. 19, 2001
Go ahead, hit me! (for a sale, that is)
I would like to know when this wave of people selling stuff from home began. I know when I was a kid we had the Avon Lady. DING DONG! Avon calling! Later we had neighbors who sold Mary Kay cosmetics. I never knew anyone who drove one of those pink Cadillacs though. Back then, people sold Tupperware and Home Interiors too.
Now people sell not only cosmetics and nice plastic food storage solutions, but candles, baskets, cookware, books, home furnishings, scrapbooks, and even lingerie! They say, ''Oh, it's a great career! It'll give you more time with your kids.'' Let's see. . .I'll just quit my day job so I can have these parties AT NIGHT after my kids get home from school. THAT makes sense. I guess during the summer, it would work out. What about winter, when people schedule parties and then cancel because of a bad snow storm? That's NOT the time of year I want my lights cut off because I can't afford to pay the bill.
Any fantasies I have ever entertained about this career move have been snuffed out by the dreaded school fundraiser. If I DID want to sell stuff for a living, school fundraisers would eliminate most of my potential customer base. You know, I had to sell a lot of stuff when I was in school too. At the time I didn't think those skills were going to be useful in real life. What I didn't know! Perhaps this selling stuff will prepare my children for THEIR future careers as party hosts!
They actually think this is a great idea. Hey, more power to 'em.
Now, don't get me wrong. I have no problem with free enterprise. Heck, I like to make money just like everyone else does, or I wouldn't sell ads on my web pages! ! !. But here lately, I have been overwhelmed with sales pitches. In one recent week, I got an invitation to a scrapbook-making party, and a mom at the soccer field hit me up to buy some candles. Oh, I almost forgot, my former co-worker came by to ''visit'' (read: drop off brochures for those expensive baskets she sells in her spare time). This probably wouldn't have bothered me if I hadn't been hit with a fundraiser for my kids' school the same week.
I believe in supporting schools. I just wonder how much of the funds go to the school, and how much goes to the clever person who pitches the program to the schools. But enough about that.
The sales reps always want you to have a party. Well, that makes a lot of sense for THEM, but not for ME. Why should I pay $200 for groceries, housecleaning and stamps for the invitations just so I can get a $300 basket for $150? Oh, that's right, I'm SAVING $150. Hmmm. . .
You know, it wouldn't bother me that much to buy all this stuff if I really needed it. I like those beautiful baskets. I actually own some of them. My strategy with them is to buy one piece at a time. For example, you buy the $45 basket this time, and then the next time someone asks, you can say, ''I'd like the $15 liner to go in that basket.'' After five or six parties you have the whole thing - the basket, the cloth liner, the garter for the outside, the wooden lid, the plastic dividers and protectors, and the little handle covers. If you bought all this stuff at one time, you'd be broke.
One of my co-workers and I were admiring the basket catalog one day, and I said, ''Doesn't that look inviting?'' The scene was a campfire setting. In the foreground was one of those baskets, full of s'more ingredients. In the distance, a couple sat by a fire toasting marshmallows. My co-worker said, ''What they're not saying is that this basket costs so much, you and your friend won't have the money to go on a real date - you'll have to build a fire in the backyard.''
I added it up and to buy my favorite basket and all the trimmings I would have to pay more than I did for my tickets to Talladega. I realize, though, that this isn't a good comparison for most women because I'm one of the few who would rather go to a race than buy a basket. But that's fodder for another humor column.
The candle people use some slogan to the effect of ''the last affordable indulgence.'' Yeah, right. I bought one of those jar candles one time, on sale, and it STILL cost me $25. I can go to the deep discount store across the street from the soccer field (ours is the Dollar General, but there are several other major chains that are equally cheap) and pick up the same candle for $6. I tell the soccer mom this. She says, ''But ours burn longer!''
She doesn't realize how long candles last at my house. I have candles I bought when my first-grader was a baby. I suppose if I buy this candle today, my children will get it when they put me in the rest home and take away my matches. Maybe my candles' shelf lives are so long because my cat is driven to distraction by smoke and flame, and I value my life and property enough to keep him from knocking the candles over and setting the house on fire.
I'd never been invited to a scrapbook-making party before. I have a neighbor who really got into scrapbooking a year or so ago. She tried REALLY hard to get me interested in it. I do like to keep things and I have old-fashioned scrapbooks for my children. I'm sure some people will think I'm just terrible because I don't have all the cute little checkered trimmings and stickers and stuff.
I learned about keeping stuff from my great-grandmother. She kept a scrapbook. She didn't decorate it. I guess she didn't think it was necessary to put pretty designs on pages of newspaper clippings like ''KENNEDY KILLED IN DALLAS'' and ''MARILYN MONROE FOUND DEAD.'' Still, I think it's neat that she kept those old articles along with her family pictures, because we, and generations after us, will get to see what interested Granny. I'm really jealous of my cousin who got that book!
I have to admit I was a little afraid to go to a party where the invitation read: ''Send the $10 supply fee to your hostess at least five days before the party, and be sure to bring at least five pictures." I'm thinking, this is great. I'm gonna send my $10, then get roped into buying $100 more stuff just to put my pictures in the cutest book!
Maybe I should start a cheap webpage instead of a humor one. Then people would be afraid to invite me to their parties. They'd say, "She's the Cheap Lady. She won't buy this stuff.''
Ahem. Hopefully I won't tick off any of my friends after they read this column! But then, I could save my money and BUY new friends!
Naah. They keep inviting me because every now and then I will buy something, and help these people make a living.
Now, I have to admit I have a real weakness for that cookware people sell. You know the brand - they have the parties where you go and the sales rep cooks a meal for you. This is my kind of party.
They think you're gonna go in there and see how they mix the batter in their 13 inch stone mixing bowl, then bake the bread on their 18x12 inch baking stone, take it out with their ergonomically designed oven mitt, place it on their rustproof cooling rack, take it out with the supercalifragilistic, etc. spatula, and send them home with a big fat check for $350!
I look for the el cheapo items like their little knives and plate scrapers and corncob holders. I figure if I get invited to enough of these parties, eventually I'll get all their little items and then I can buy more of them to give to my relatives! Seriously, I like that company's merchandise rather well, and I don't mind getting invited to their parties. I may not get to go to every party I'm invited to, but I enjoy them.
I considered ending this column with e-mail links to my friends who sell candles, cookware, baskets, makeup, etc. I chose not to. If you sell this stuff, I hope you're not offended. I still like you. Like I said, I have a real weakness for that cookware and this will be my first NASCAR race since I was six years old, so I won't spend all my basket money in one place. My mom likes candles, so I might even buy her one every now and then.
As I was writing this column, I stopped to go out to the mailbox. Guess what was in there? An invitation to one of those cookware parties! Unfortunately, it's during my son's soccer game. Oh, well. .
This page was started on August 23, 2001
last updated July 23, 2002
Copyright 2001, Rissy's Treasures