I just love that line, "Don't let the screen door hit you...ON YOUR WAY OU-OUT!" If you were around when my house was built, you probably remember that line from "Smoke from a Distant Fire" by these guys. If you want it, and can't find it on CD, e-mail me and I'll look in the used record store.
And who DIDN'T own this on vinyl? Huh? It's a classic...buy the digitally remastered version on CD!
Read along in this column to see if I have any silly comments or fun stuff to go along with this week's missive. Sometimes this column is funny, other times, a bit more serious. You never know!
When I think about doors, I think about keys...and there's a song on this album called "The Key."
You gotta listen to this CD set! It's quickly become one of my favorites. The Crabb Family, the Hoppers, and the Oak Ridge Boys - their song is my favorite of all. Check it out if you like Southern Gospel - or even if you don't.
Visit my BLOGS!
or, just go to
if you want results
GWC - Godliness with Contentment...I've been so content lately I've forgotten to post
The Christian Working Mom's Blog - and I've been working so hard lately that I haven't had time to post
u c i have this website... and you're already here.
Warning...these were last updated...a long time ago. Don't even remember when.
Enjoy!
Wanna start your OWN web site? Here's my host:
If the lack of humor on this site REALLY offends you try this one:
visit one of my newest sponsors:
Brought to you by Life in the Kornfield by Hee Haw producer Sam Lovullo. I have a copy for sale...click on the book for details!
May 25, 2003
Don't let the screen door hit you on your way out
My house was built in 1976. It's not old old, but it's getting there. A house like this one has some parts that have held up well, and other parts that haven't. This has been a really bad year for doors at my house.
A few years ago, we had to get a new back door. The old one had been re-hinged too many times. When the hubby got the door home from Home Depot, it was 4 inches too wide. We didn't have an electric saw, so he used a hand saw to cut it down to size. Needless to say, he couldn't move his arm for days. (Remember, my husband is a musician. A sore arm's a really scary thing.) Well, the new back door wasn't perfect. The uneven, rough edge left gaps around the knob. Breaking in was easy - believe me, I know! But it was a door, & we used it for a few years.
Our front door wasn't much better. In hot weather, it would stick. On windy days, it would blow open. The lock required lifting to make the connection. And I won't even talk about the storm doors we went through. Yes, that was doors PLURAL.
We thought we'd seen the end of bad door days, until about 2 months ago. Right after I felt God calling me to sing more, I told our church's music director that I'd been dusting off the old accompaniment tapes. Of course he wanted me to bring one so he\par could hear the song and decide what other songs to put with it. And, of course, I didn't have one in the car. I wasn't going home after church, and going home to get the tape was going to mean a lot of rushing around, but I was willing to do that. So after I visited my mom & my grandparents, I hurried home to get the tape. My husband was at work and wouldn't be home for at least 2 hours. As my daughter walked out the door, she pulled it shut & I heard this awful slam. Then I tried it myself. Same noise. I tried turning the knob, but I got the same sound. Now, I am no construction worker nor an expert on home improvement. So, what I found when I examined the door was that the knob's "tongue" would not go back into the door. Therefore, it wouldn't shut, so of course it would not lock either.
Obviously I couldn't go to church if I couldn't lock the house...so I gave up on that idea. The hubby brought a new doorknob home, but his getting home in time for choir practice wasn't going to happen, so I had to miss that night.
That night, we got a great new doorknob and the hubby fixed the door so that we wouldn't have to lift up (and therefore damage the knob) anymore. So, again, I thought our bad door days were over.
We were wrong. We discovered this on a Wednesday morning. I have two cats and a dog. Normally, when I get up, one of the cats is sitting above my head and the dog is standing next to my head, back feet on the floor and front feet pawing at me, as if to say, "Wake up, Mom! I need to go potty!"
That morning I woke up to a very quiet house. As I padded through the house, I noticed that NO PETS were visible. I knew before I opened the door from the kitchen into the garage what I'd see - the back door standing wide open!
I looked outside and only saw one pet, my old gray cat. He immediately ran under the car. I shut the door and went back to the bedrooms. I told everyone that they needed to get up and help me track down the animals.
Of course, I had no idea what time the door opened, so they could be anywhere by now. When I opened the back door again, the old gray cat (who ain't what he used to be, but is still pretty quick) dashed for the inside. One down, two to go.
We live 1/10th of a mile from a busy highway, so the first thing I did was walk there, all the while steeling myself in preparation for what I might find. Fortunately, there was no roadkill waiting for me. On the other hand, there were no LIVE pets waiting for me either. So, I turned back toward the house.
I saw the hubby and the son catch the young and agile Sonny, our golden kitty. But where was Bonnie?
I walked down the street to the next house and checked out their dog pen. All four dogs were barking as if to say, "She went that way!" Or, maybe they were saying, "We don't know where she is! Why do you think we know???"
I was almost back to my driveway when I heard the dogs bark again. Instinctively, I headed back to the pen. The closer I got, the more they barked. I looked to the left and saw our Bonnie running through the field, coming at me full speed ahead. I halfway expected her to get to me and dart the other way, as she often does, but that morning she came right to my feet and stopped, licking and jumping at me. I think she wanted to go home!
The hubby fixed the BACK doorknob the next weekend. In fact, he bought a brand new door and installed it as well! I still need to paint it. This door seemed all right at first...but more on that later.
A few days after he repaired the back door, I went out the front door to do something. Honestly, I can't remember now what I was doing, and I'll tell you why. I was carrying something (I don't remember what) and backed out the door, trying to keep Sonny the explorer from going outside while my hands were full. I bent down, so that my head would be close to the living room floor. He went out, and BAM! the storm door hit me in the left side of the head and knocked the right side into the brick wall!
I don't think my head has ever hurt so much. It hurt for days. I had a sore that took awhile to heal. No wonder I don't remember what I was doing before. Kinda gives a new meaning to that line, "Don't let the screen door hit you on your way out," doesn't it?
Shortly after that we discovered that the back door was stuck and wouldn't open at all. And then there was the night the doorbell started ringing all by itself at 2:30 AM. My husband looked at me and said, "WHAT?" Like I knew! Actually, the incessant "Ding, doonnnng" repeating over and over gave it away for me. I guess a lightning-bug got into the doorbell button or something.
Anyway, it has been a bad year for doors at my house. I thank God every day that only the doors are suffering, and not all us critters inside.
Where do you want to go?
